The Life and Death of Elizabeth the Hamster

By Kim O’Rourke
Managing Editor, MavenMom

It was a rough week in the O’Rourke household. Our beloved pet hamster “Elizabeth” had died.

My daughters asked for a baby brother for Christmas, and apparently the closest Santa could do was a pet hamster. Needless to say, they were thrilled. Unfortunately, Elizabeth escaped and she didn’t last long in the wild; we’re still not sure if it was our cat or our dog. To make matters worse, the kids discovered her. And if that wasn’t bad enough, a few days later we mistakenly took them to see the movie “Marley and Me” (if you didn’t see the movie I won’t ruin it for you). Let’s just say it wasn’t the brightest idea on our part, and this series of events was a lot to digest for a nine, seven and four year old.

For many kids, the death of a pet is their first experience with death itself. How we, as parents, handle this experience impacts how our kids will handle grief throughout their lives. My kids were filled with questions and concerns: “Did Elizabeth go to heaven?” “Is hamster heaven different from human heaven?” “Will I ever see her again?” Despite my urge to simply say “I don’t know,” I realized how important it was for me to try and answer their questions as honestly as I could to put their minds at ease.

Death is a hard fact of life to explain to children and it’s important to be as clear and honest as possible, since vague explanations can create confusion. I remember my parents telling me that the death of my dog was just a peaceful rest. Well, I was six and was suddenly petrified to go to sleep. Depending on your child’s age they may not understand that death is final. Therefore, it’s important that children realize their pet is not going to wake up.

When discussing death with your kids, don’t be afraid to show your emotion. Parents often think that they need to be strong because “they are the parents.” However, showing your emotions helps validate your kids’ feelings and teaches them that it’s okay to grieve. Reading to your kids will open the door for them to ask questions about death (there are a lot of great books about pet loss) and I also encouraged mine to draw pictures to express their emotions (I had dead hamster pictures on my fridge for weeks after Elizabeth’s passing). It’s also a good idea to have a ceremony to honor the life of your pet. This helps give the kids closure.

After a period of grieving, we took the kids to the pet store and let them pick out Elizabeth II. The girls were delighted. She was a plump version of her predecessor, and a few weeks later we discovered why. I woke up to a scream and panicked, thinking “not again!” I envisioned a repeat scenario; had she broken free of her cage again and the kids found her? How would they recover from this a second time? I came down to discover something completely different had happened. Elizabeth II was in her cage with seven or eight pink, bald, scrawny babies. I seemed to be the only one not excited about this. To be honest, I’m not a big rodent fan. Luckily the pet store has agreed to take all of the babies back….in six-to-eight (long) weeks when they are weaned from their mother.

It’s ironic how having a pet not only taught my kids so much about death, but now about life, too. They are currently in the process of naming all of the babies and watch in amazement how they nurse on their mother. Every week these baby rodents seem to change - they are now starting to get fur. The other day my four year old curiously asked how the babies got in Elizabeth’s belly. That’s a lesson for another day.