Part-time Motherhood

By Kim O'Rourke
Managing Editor, MavenMom

I have always been a woman with a plan. So, of course I entered into the erratic world of motherhood no differently. As my stomach began to grow I was amazed by how mere acquaintances would stop and ask me really personal questions, like “Were you trying to get pregnant?” “Are you going to breastfeed?” and of course, “Will you work or be a stay at home Mom?” I always had an answer. I always had a plan. I was going to have it all.

You see, I am from the generation of women who were told we could have it all. Our Dads took us camping, we played sports, went to Universities and landed fulfilling jobs. Unlike the generation before us who were faced with the decision to choose between going to college and getting a job or becoming a wife and mother, I had choices. My plan was to exchange my briefcase for a diaper bag two days a week. My company was allowing me to work part-time in exchange for a pay cut and no benefits, and in return I would get two entire days a week off to spend with my newborn baby daughter. I was determined to have the best of both worlds.

Like so many women before me who tried to have it all, I found that it is not always easy. I was constantly juggling roles and began to feel like I was barely satisfactory at both my job and being there for my daughter. At work I discovered resentment from colleagues who were mothers and worked full-time. They would tell me how lucky I was to be able to be at home a few days with my daughter, and shared their stories about how hard it is to leave a six week-year-old in daycare. I had to remind them that I was taking a significant pay cut and was also dropping off my child at daycare. From my women colleagues without children I began to feel a lack of respect. I was no longer asked in on brainstorm sessions or to review proposals. I was not considered for management positions and began to feel like I was a glorified secretary to everyone. Inevitably, when clients would come in, it seemed to land on the days I was scheduled to be at home. Frantically I would try and rearrange everything so I could be present to assure my skeptical coworkers I could do my job and be a Mom.

Things weren’t going much better at home. My stay-at-home-mom friends couldn’t understand why I was still working. Some would flat out ask me, “Do you need the money?” Others would constantly remind me that I really couldn’t be making any money after you factor in transportation, childcare and other work-related expenses like dry cleaning, lunches and clothes. I had two entire days off but it seemed that all the playgroups and Mommy and Me classes were scheduled on my working days. On my days off I really needed to do laundry, clean, cook and run errands. But instead I found myself meeting five other one-year-olds and their Moms at the park for lunch. I was trying to have it all and it wasn’t working.

Nine years has past and my newborn baby is now a third grader. Since then I quit my job to stay at home with the kids for a while and then went back to work. However, I am still trying to find the perfect balance. If you look at me, I seem to have it all: three daughters, a part time job and a much-needed nanny, but also maybe a bit of hidden bitterness. I was told “You can be whatever you want to be” but no one mentioned how torn I would feel. How I wouldn’t be able to go to my daughter’s first preschool trip because of an important client meeting, or how I would miss the kids trick-or-treating for the second year in a row. I am not complaining, I have had choices and I have made them. But having it all is not as easy as I had planned.

My seven-year-old daughter recently said to me “Mom, when I grow up I want to be a doctor, a rock star and a Mom.” I assured her “You can be whatever you want as long as you work hard Bella.” I hope she didn’t notice the touch of doubt in my voice.